Thursday, May 03, 2007
Derek's Commemorative Speech
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Written by Cassandra Lin 1095100102
Derek’s speech to praise Bruce Lee is excellent on posture, stability, good writing and pronunciation. But the overall structure is not that perfect. Following are critiques I provided to better this speech.
The opener of Derek’s speech is composed of two sources to show Bruce Lee’s speciality, and people’s compliment on him, by this audience may think this subject is praiseworthy. Derek later praised Bruce Lee in compare with Elvis Presley, two global influencing stars who both passed away young. This is also believable and good point of comparability. In a short paragraph, Derek mentioned Bruce Lee’s profile, the place he born, the multiple martial arts he learned and the prize he owned. The profile thus illustrated Bruce Lee’s great achievements and profession on martial art. Moreover, Derek indicated that Bruce Lee’s worldly popularity is mainly resulted from the movie he acted. Although Derek’s speech is sincere, I think more examples of Bruce Lee’s influence on people could be provided following this remark in order to praise Bruce Lee more and with “feelings”. The speech gets weaker at this paragraph than quickly jump to conclusion. The conclusion is the best paragraph among the whole speech, full of beautiful words which highly praised Bruce Lee both on martial art and spiritual area, “Bruce Lee possessed an intense combination of raw power and extraordinary repose that could not be duplicated.” “Bruce was a truly unique individual whose passion for life and success in all endeavors remains an inspiration for millions of fans worldwide.”
Derek’s speech was partly extemporaneously, he followed his draft, but when he missed something, he can say it in other words for the time being. This speech will be more meaningful if more examples of Bruce Lee's influence on people are provided.
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Derek’s speech to praise Bruce Lee is excellent on posture, stability, good writing and pronunciation. But the overall structure is not that perfect. Following are critiques I provided to better this speech.
The opener of Derek’s speech is composed of two sources to show Bruce Lee’s speciality, and people’s compliment on him, by this audience may think this subject is praiseworthy. Derek later praised Bruce Lee in compare with Elvis Presley, two global influencing stars who both passed away young. This is also believable and good point of comparability. In a short paragraph, Derek mentioned Bruce Lee’s profile, the place he born, the multiple martial arts he learned and the prize he owned. The profile thus illustrated Bruce Lee’s great achievements and profession on martial art. Moreover, Derek indicated that Bruce Lee’s worldly popularity is mainly resulted from the movie he acted. Although Derek’s speech is sincere, I think more examples of Bruce Lee’s influence on people could be provided following this remark in order to praise Bruce Lee more and with “feelings”. The speech gets weaker at this paragraph than quickly jump to conclusion. The conclusion is the best paragraph among the whole speech, full of beautiful words which highly praised Bruce Lee both on martial art and spiritual area, “Bruce Lee possessed an intense combination of raw power and extraordinary repose that could not be duplicated.” “Bruce was a truly unique individual whose passion for life and success in all endeavors remains an inspiration for millions of fans worldwide.”
Derek’s speech was partly extemporaneously, he followed his draft, but when he missed something, he can say it in other words for the time being. This speech will be more meaningful if more examples of Bruce Lee's influence on people are provided.
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